I grew up with one of the greatest advocates of Miss Manners, and the importance of a thank you note for all gifts received. My mother would sit me down at the kitchen table with pen and special notes she had purchased, and instruct me on the etiquette of writing a good thank you note.
The power of a habit learned early in life cannot be denied – was I truly grateful? Well that is another story. To this day, I buy note paper and attempt to craft my feelings about the gifts I have been given and the givers of those gifts…more often than not, it is an email.
We are, as I write this, a few hours away from Thanksgiving, and I am notoriously known for holding people hostage from their turkey dinner – until each one has shared what they are grateful for. One year, at our family table, that backfired as a male family member offered thanks for sexual prowess in full view of 7 and 8 year old children. It remains a family “story” but certainly undermined the intent.
A number of years ago on the Oprah Winfrey show; Oprah featured a author who had written both a book and a journal on the idea of writing down 5 things you were thankful for every day. Like every other Oprah fan, I ordered the books, and began the ritual. Not sure how long that lasted – longer than my New Year’s resolutions but went by the wayside rather quickly.
When I began this project I used Dr. Google to inform me on the number of books about gratitude, gratefulness, appreciation etc…like all self-help categories there are thousands of choices. Yet when I asked around my small statistic sampling, I noted that people don’t feel all that grateful, none had a gratitude practice and most, like me, noticed what wasn’t working far more than what was. Here was the startling exception- people who had suffered a recent illness, trauma, or loss. It seems that fear relieved can produce a euphoric response of gratitude. (listen to the victims of the devastating fire in California a few short miles from my home).
The purpose of this blog is to look at gratitude through new eyes. To move beyond the personal “me” of gratitude to the power of “we” in gratitude and what transformational effects that can have on communities, organizations and yes well the world.
But first we do need to look at the “me” of grateful and honestly assess three things:
1- How grateful am I and for what
2- How do I take note of that gratefulness in myself
3- How do I express my gratitude and to whom
Additionally, I want the blog to help us all give up on “quid pro quo”- looking at gratitude as an aspect of a transaction- the cycle of debt and duty – where gifts are commodities of exchange and therefore speak of control – rather than grace.
A few years ago I was teaching a class at a large, private-family owned company. The class was about working with thoughts and consciousness with regard to artistic and inventive abilities. I recommended a practice of gratefulness to bring people more into their “hearts” where wisdom is accessible beyond the logic of the mind. I will never forget one participant who said to me “I don’t see the value of gratitude and I don’t feel grateful.” I admit I have struggled with personal judgement of this person for years.
I see more clearly now, that my own projections were in there and my own doubts about this aspect of life bringing about what is statistically studied on this topic including.
Better health
Clarity
Love for life and others
Abundance
My student was merely mirroring my own complicated relationship with gratitude.
I hope you will stay with the blog as I share what has become absolutely true – it is a window into transformation of self and our world.
Take some notes on the three questions – make a comment on the blog – don’t forget a free ebook is coming in the next couple of weeks. And know that I am grateful for whoever is reading…..
Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you
Kneel to say your nightly prayer.
And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome
Evil and welcome good
Maya Angelou
