The Art of Appreciation
I am sure we have all had the experience of knowing someone who, as soon as we were in their presence, made us feel wonderful. It wasn’t anything you could put your finger on – and lately I have become very interested in that experience. While talking with a dear friend recently I think I stumbled on to some of the factors that brought me that experience. I called her Aunt Pauline although she was no relation. I knew her from about the age of 5 until well into my 40’s before she transitioned. She had a warm and loving smile, a voice that always held the promise of laughter, and she made me feel like I was just perfect the way I was….(which all of you know is not so perfect). When my mother would lament my stubborn streak, Aunt Pauline would highlight my strength and fearlessness. When someone said I talked too much – I think chatty was the word, she would say that my conversation was so interesting. Whenever I saw her, through all those years, she would find something to notice and compliment – to reinforce and encourage. I always tried to show up for her in that same reflection.
As I was considering those memories, I realized that through all of the chaos of the last few years, and the continuing challenge to find joy and hope- there was that absence of noticing and remarking on the qualities and attributes of others. We could begin at the level of compliment – when was the last time you gave one? When was the last time you received one? I started paying attention in grocery stores, the bank or the post office…(didn’t hear any on 5 trips). I started watching zoom meetings among friends or peers (nope). And of course, I started listening around my house (not much). I have friends who brush off compliments like flies….they don’t seem to know how to receive or they assume some level of insincerity- then there are others who never seem to have anything encouraging to say – or personal in nature. (Just the facts mam etc).
My mother was a southern woman in her ways and manners and appreciation was the order of the day…that old saying- say something nice or say nothing. I started writing thank you notes when I was able to write …paying attention to others and their loveliness was a frequent instruction… look for the good …nothing else. I feel fortunate to have that heritage – it was a great foundation for my profession…and for my own spiritual focus. It is an art – to be real with others – to really notice who they are, beyond their appearance, and their behavior. It requires attention and intention – to lift someone’s spirits -not just when they are down- but on any given Tuesday or any day. It takes willingness to be brushed off and of course no expectation that it will be returned.
These times we are in – call for a lot of things…courage, strength, the hope I wrote of last week. I want to add to that list that we all need encouragement these days – we need reinforcement for our loveliness and an overlooking of our crankiness or worse. We need to artfully support each other in little ways – beginning perhaps with gratitude for the tiniest thing…then on to noticing someone’s smile or if they are wearing a great color…or exhibiting a talent. Stopping for a moment to give a tender comment of the delight you know they bring.
This week make an effort to give that encouragement to someone every day – no matter what. Include your lovely self in the art of appreciating that you are doing the best you can – always.
Thanks to everyone who reads this blog…often or rarely. I appreciate you.
