Listening From the Heart
One of the greatest causes of stress and energy drains is ineffective and inefficient communication. If you watched the news at all this week, you witnessed that going on constantly. Many times it was clear there was no listening going on…One of the most common complaints in management development circles is that management doesn’t listen. I remember when we began to teach listening as a key success factor. It was the form of listening that had you repeat what you heard to be sure you heard it. It helped – but for some odd reason it didn’t improve communication or reduce stress.
When we listen from the neck up we tend to compare, debate, and engage our analytical abilities and miss the connection – the possibilities of what can occur and what can change. Heartmath has spent over 30 years testing and demonstrating that the Heart has a greater wisdom than the brain and has the ability to convey understanding while the brain is busy assessing and problem solving. People are not problems to solve – and the heart can lead us to possibilities we have never considered.
Being in a state of sadness or grief, I can tell you that listening and being heard, is part of the pathway to healing. From Dr.’s offices to postal clerks, the stress of too many people and too little time; shows up as brushing people off and not really hearing the essence of what needs to be communicated. Telling yourself to slow down and listen might help but I don’t think it will usher in new answers or improve relationships.
Listening from the heart and letting it lead the way brings surprise answers and a feeling state rather than a thinking state. Lest you are interpreting this to be a woo woo technique -think again. Feeling a sense of connection fosters trust – brings coherence to the body which in turn reduces blood pressure and cortisol, and the innate well being we all have is easy to access.
When we listen from the heart, we hear more than the ears can pick up because we are listening with our entire being. I remember when I was working for the Covey Leadership Center delivering the 7 Habits program, and was in training with Dr. Covey himself. He distinguished the types of listening by giving an example of someone asking where the restroom was located. You wouldn’t listen for the essence-you would simply provide directions. When people are struggling with conflicts or trying to see beyond the noise; listening from the heart is the tool that opens us to the other and helps us stay open until something shows up.
Here is a way to practice – my experience is that Listening is a practice that takes dedication but like the commercial says…the value is priceless,
Before any important communication or in the midst of something- pause and breathe a few times before engaging. Drop your attention from the head to the heart space – see the heart as open and breathe through the heart. Set an intention for your listening – being respectful or connecting or bringing a good feeling to the encounter.
As others are speaking, continue the attention to and from the heart space, and see if you can hear beyond the words; discern the feeling tone and just allow whatever is being said to be said. (ie don’t’ interrupt or comment). Imagine no obstacles, suspend history, and let the heart intelligence speak. Find a way to convey that you heard the essence and not the circumstances, and then move into possibilities.
This is also a way to listen to yourself…to the intuition and knowingness that is ever present. As I move through the changes in life right now, I am listening to the part of me that knows, and I am giving myself compassion as I try to hear what is next in my life. I know this listening has miracle properties and powerful results. I guarantee it!
(PS listening is not a tool of technology- you have to be actually talking to someone to try this out…texting is not it 😊)
