Where are you coming From?
Maya Angelou said that our words don’t matter as much as the way people feel when they leave our presence. If it isn’t our words – then what is it? What conveys that sense of acceptance or interest or love? It’s not that the words don’t matter – they do – but not nearly as much as the feeling you are conveying ie…where you are coming from in what you are saying.
So many of us come into a conversation “for” something…to resolve an issue or share information ..or convey something we think is important. So, we come “for” that reason and that includes our expectations of the response we will get…or what to do if we don’t get the response we want and have to try again.
The idea of coming “from” peace or from joy or from love…changes the dynamic. We still convey the same information-start the same conversations however our beginning point brings in the tone of the conversation and shifts everything in the respondent.
Years ago when I was working with Covey Leadership Center and teaching the 7 habits – there were always a couple of places that were key to effectiveness. One of them was Begin with The End in Mind- that is a version of where you coming from. It is the version that predicts results and also focuses the efforts on what matters. By End In Mind, Dr. Covey meant qualitatively as well as quantitatively …so that you end up with the relationship intact and perhaps even enhanced.
For those of you who have raised children, you know trying to rush a 2 year old rarely works out….that is coming from hurry. When you come from fun, 2-year-olds will do most anything unless they need a nap. (Me too). You get the point -we all move towards a high feeling – a place that feels like home no matter who is there or what the topic may be.
It’s pretty easy to implement…start each day with an intention for the day about where you will come from. If you have an important meeting or conversation, then you reset before you begin…bringing in the feeling tone at the highest level possible in that moment. If you check your intentions with how your days go, I think you will see a correlation of outcomes with tone.
And when in doubt; come from Love.
