Forgiveness – the key to transformation
The best definition I ever heard of Forgiveness came via Dr. George Pransky- a Three Principles Therapist. He said Forgiveness is going back to the way things were before the offense. In other words, truly forgiving was as if it had never occurred. The common view of Forgiveness is that we overlook or let things go – or accept an apology. Nothing wrong – just not quite deep enough to remove the sting and realize on some level, all forgiveness is self- forgiveness.
For the most part, each of us puts in motion the thing that leads to the whole need of forgiveness…..only when something goes wrong it looks like there is someone to blame – and that brings us to the brink of victim mentalities.
Some years ago, I took a little workshop from the late Dr. Hew Len. He was a psychologist assigned to a prison in Hawaii for the criminally insane. He didn’t visit inmates or hold therapy sessions. Instead, he sat in his office reviewing their file; utilizing a Hawaiian spiritual resolution process entitled Ho’ O’ Pono Pono. Basically, he forgave in himself the same thoughts and temptations that his patients experienced. He knew that if something is transformed in one consciousness it is possible to transform all. And transform he did, the inmates started to be happier. The staff started to be kinder. In a few years they closed the facility as the judicial body had no reason to keep people there anymore.
In the workshop, Dr, Len taught us how to see ourselves in each other and to withdraw separation by using this simple but powerful process. I decided to give it a try. At the time, my father was quite annoyed with me and although I tried to give him more attention – he started every conversation with “why don’t you call more”? When my fingers had just done the walking to call him. I started to avoid him or have very short conversations. I applied the teaching every day for a week or more and suddenly my dad became gentler, softer and more available. I realized he was acting out of loneliness and that insight provoked me to not only forgive him for being difficult, but I also forgave myself for not paying closer attention. The result of that was a renewed connection that was maintained until he made his transition.
Forgiveness is a topic this time of year, as we approach Easter and Passover. It is an important pillar in both traditions…and the world certainly could use some transforming energy. You can read the story of me and my dad in a book entitled Zero Limits and learn about Ho O Pono Pono at the same time.
Until then, here is the process – saying quietly to yourself while you think of the person and the situation – I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you and Thank you. I have used it with difficult salesclerks and family and neighbors. Over time, I have seen that I am forgiving my own mis perceptions as much as any so-called offense. I highly recommend trying it and watching for the miracle. –
