Black Lives Matter – so now what do we do?
Reflecting on the past weeks has provoked many memories. If you were born between
1955-1960 you probably remember other protests – then called riots. You probably
remember marches, and sit-ins and the endless controversy over race. I have been
watching for new solutions appearing – and I see some signs – new training for law
enforcement – a review of corporate promotions and opportunities for people of color –
many organizations coming out in support of Black Lives Matter. All important work –
and hopefully will include systemic change at the policy level.
Yet I was still left wondering, what is there to do at an individual level ? What will move
the hearts and minds to more compassionate action and collaborative community,
regardless of color?
This provoked more memories. My mother marched with Dr. King when I was a child so
I believe I come by my open view naturally. She was of poor southern lineage and she
saw abuses in the south to both people of color and people of poverty and it touched
her heart at a very young age. All my life I heard her speak on civil rights and I saw her
actions to support her deep passionate intention.
So it is not surprising that in my life review, I uncovered a startling fact. Two of my
dearest and closest friends, who informed my life in deep and lasting ways , are 2
African American men. Kevin Freeman, the man in the pink shirt, I met in my early days
of living in San Francisco. I wish I could remember what sparked the friendship – we
were both working at the Emporium while going to school and our friendship took off in
a quick minute. We had some common interests and discovered even more – yet I was
born in Detroit and Kevin had lived all his life in the Bay Area. His mother hailed from
Louisiana and Irma became a dear friend and mentor on the making of Gumbo -.
Eventually Kevin and I got around to talking about the obvious – I was white – he was
black..what was that like and what were we like together? Having grown up near Detroit
I expected to hear a lot about the prejudice he experienced but that was not the case.
He went to a prestigious high school in San Francisco- was an accomplished musician
and singer – and didn’t really see color when he looked out at the world. He did suffer
however, because when I met him he was grappling with knowing he was a
homosexual. We walked through the journey of discovering who we are together and I
learned from him how to face prejudice with laughter and with a deep knowing that he
was just fine the way he was. His impact on me was more than the impact of a strong
black man on a (at the time) not so strong white woman – but more than that – we loved
each other, trusted each other, and felt related – as if we were, as my mother would
say, “kin”.
The other photo is a man I met some years later in my work with IBM. Dr. Lauchland
Henry was an instructor at the management school in New York City -and when I
attended his class – there was that same spark – that same recognition that we knew
each other perhaps in another lifetime. We became colleagues and again – deep
friendship began to emerge. Eventually we worked together in New York and traveled
to see each other for over 30 years. He wrote poetry, volunteered in Harlem and
shared a different story of becoming the man he was destined to be…He grew up in
Antigua – became a Marine in the Korean war, was the first black Ph.D. in engineering
from Columbia University and then joined IBM. He was in New York in the days of
Malcolm X and Dr. King and shared many things with me about what that was like, and
gave me insight I would never have had – if I just saw the movie. He definitely
experienced racism and yet he often said to me – it can’t affect me if I don’t give it my
energy. He never gave it energy – choosing instead to give energy to love and
appreciation for life and all people.
There is so much more I could say about these two gentlemen. I lost Kevin to aids in
1993 and Lauch passed on May 5 of this year in New York City of the Covid. Both their
losses bring tears to my eyes even now – as I have not had greater friends than both of
these man and greater teachers in unity and understanding and I must add Joy – the joy
of learning about and from others beyond our color, gender, or sexual preference to
name just a few. So what is my point, beyond musing on my life.
My point is that my answer to racism in all its forms is kinship. Knowing someone
deeply changes everything – and although I was primed for an open hearted view – I
still felt the pressure of the world view – encroaching on these friendships over the
years. These two men did more to help me become a white person who is more than
that – than any philosophy or class I ever attended. The Academy award for the Green
Book illustrates this truth as well – a profoundly talented Black man and a tough ..from
the Bronx white man became friends – deep friends who saw each other beyond the
circumstances of their lives and it changed everything. It changed behavior – it
changed a viewpoint and it changed others around them.
I find myself once again looking for ways to be in kinship with others who are different –
hearing the story of their life and their power – and standing beside them as we all
reach for a new level of kinship.
I invite you to join me.
