THE BIG “F”
The Big F in this week’s blog is Forgiveness. And to be more specific, self-forgiveness. Forgiveness is a term that often means different things to different people. It can mean overlooking and then just keep going. It can mean letting go of an action someone did and still maintaining the relationship. It can mean forgiving the person but not the action and on and on. There is even a radical notion of forgiveness that has you be grateful for what happened because it provided growth and deeper understanding.
My definition is more like this – since we can’t know everything about why something occurs – we go back to being “as if” it never happened since perception is rarely trustable.
The most challenging I think is self-forgiveness – and the gift of compassion to ourselves for the mistakes we make nearly daily. Of late – I seemed to have noticed even more of ..”I should not have said that” ..or if only I had stopped this whole thing sooner – or why can’t I relax while someone finds a vaccine for Covid. We can get very lost in looking at outward situations and events without noticing the self- talk that is harsh and lacking in gentle understanding or our personal mind.
Personal mind is a mess of thoughts primarily from the past – that plays in our head like a broken record and robs us of the moment by moment joy that life brings. Its so noisy up there we actually confuse the voice with reality.
If your best friend spoke to you the way the personal mind carries on – you would end the relationship in a second. For instance- you make a commitment to better and healthier eating and someone arrives on the scene with potato chips…your personal fav. So your personal mind says …well you can have one – one won’t hurt – and so you partake …maybe 10 chips later…your pm days “what a pig..look at you – can’t keep your resolve for five minutes. You have listened to both voices and now what do you do – the voice says well good luck chubby!
There is another voice to listen to – I frequently refer to it as inner wisdom…This voice does not regurgitate the past or list your endless faults – or run a commentary on everything from your clothing to your diet. This voice comes from the innate setting of well- being – the homeostasis -set point of the inner world. Yes you have one – as does everyone else. Some call it intuition – some the knowingness I referred to in an earlier blog – I even have a friend who calls it your inner wiggle..but you can always recognize it by the good feeling that surrounds it. The warmth and calm that accompanies its presence. It says something like – your are love intelligence in action – a mistake is no big deal – keep on keepin on ….good job …you get the drift.
It helps you look at events and situations with a compassion that notices this truth- everyone yes I said EVERYONE is doing the best they can in every moment with what they can see and know in that moment. To say to yourself, you should have known better is a myth that robs you of peace and possibility. You are always doing the best you can with what you can see – and the more compassion you have for yourself and others, the more you can see.
Noticing the self- talk is the first step – it can be humbling when you hear how hard you are on yourself day in and day out. Then take a shower in compassion – imagine it falling around you like soft warm water – or as my friend Father Greg Boyle says…marinate in that feeling of self -love…then send it out into the world. We all need a great deal of compassion now – a great deal of understanding – and a great deal of wisdom to chart these times and see the infinite possibilities.
Forgive everyone – everything …especially YOU!!!!!
